alright. so, let's start this out with a fact. i sometimes dig chick flicks. its true, and i am not ashamed of it. however, when you're in a relationship and the chick flick portrays this perfect man that does everything right no matter how the girl acts... then that is just crap. because then my significant other will expect that from me, and we all know i'm not perfect!
with that said, i really like chick flicks that tell the truth. and by that, i mean how relationships REALLY work. there are a few movies out there that show the awkwardness, deceit, frustration, disappointment, and trials of a real relationship. i remember when i saw The Last Kiss in the theater. it was a good example of the different aspects to relationships. i mean, i hated what happened in it sometimes, which is exactly like we hate it sometimes in our relationships. i started watching the Break Up, and it was kind of that way too. i still want to see Knocked Up, because i am hoping it will be truth with humor. i also loved Once. it showed how we can form great relationships and not be led astray. despite its sadness, loneliness, and pain, there was joy in the characters lives, and mainly because of each other.
anyway, all that to say last night i watched a very truthful film about relationships. really felt like a real trip down memory lane, if you know what i mean. it is called Flannel Pajamas. now, let me tell you first off, it has a lot of scenes where this couple are talking and relating... nude. so, be warned. but, for me, it was kind of like watching my memories on a screen.
it starts off with the couple meeting, then they get to know each other for a while, then they fall "in love," followed by decisions to live together, get married, and tackle life-long goals. i remember all of that years ago. so naive and idealistic. well, eventually, (not to ruin it for you) they have problems, as we ALL do in relationships. and mistakes happen, dreams get put on the back-burner, life changes around them. and they change, like we ALL do. except, the female also allows her love to change. she decides to move out, they get counseling, and because she has fallen "out of love" with him, she wants a divorce. he doesn't want this. but, what else can he do?
so weird how we can look at things like love. there are so many different kinds, ways to experience it, and ways to use it. there's the love a parent can have for their child, which many times can reflect the love God has for all of us: unconditional. then there's the love that we feel for people in general. like you can love friends, acquantances, and people in need. and then there's the love that we have for another person that usually leads us to marriage. this love, as we Christians are taught, should be like Christ and the church. however, the church is so evil-natured. so, that seems odd. people in general are sinful. we can try to not be sinful, but we are stuck in this fleshly world. so, does that mean the wife can be sinful and the husband should be the perfect Christ figure? well, turns out us husbands (or ex-husbands) are also sinful. go figure, right?!
anyway, that marriage love can start out with our feelings and emotions giving us a euphoric feeling. but that will change over time. that might fade. and then what are we supposed to do? are we supposed to give up and move on to someone else who will supply us with those feelings that we FEEL we deserve?! i don't think so. if you were to ask me what my opinion is about love, i would reply to you this:
love is a choice.
when we decide to quit choosing to love, we give up on love. and when a spouse is involved in that decision, it can be devistating. and its only when we give up that we fail in things like marriage. i may be biased because i was left by my ex, but i now realize that it wasn't our differences, our mistakes, our bad decisions, our lies, our lack of time together, or anything else that drove us apart. sure all of that played a part in her DECISION... but just like the main character of this film, she had the choice to keep loving or to give up. and it seems like too many people, even who follow Christ, are making the decision to give up and seek something that will "better" their lives in the short term instead of deciding to love no matter what and grow together.
The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage
50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri."
these rates are kind of discouraging. and even more so if you've gone through it once or twice.
it's kind of ironic. her choice to leave me kind of makes me want to give up trying anymore too. but i know that it wouldn't be worth it in the long run to stop trying to love someone. however, for me now, i am single. so, watch out. i may start loving you. and if i do, i may never stop! hahaha...
but seriously, this movie, despite some stale dialogue and long conversations, is a great portrayal of what married people go through when they are starting out. and even though mine lasted 5 years, because of our age and situations, we weren't past the early stages. i can only hope and keep believing that with both people making the choice for a lifetime that marriage can be one of the most beautiful and productive and rewarding things that God has for us.
in fact, i will choose to believe that.
