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How to Succeed in Failing

Through my entire life, I've picked up quite a few things, and become moderately good at them. In fact, I like to think of myself as somewhat of a Renaissance Man... But, what happens when you learn a lot of things to a good point, is that you fail to become great at any one thing. And that is where I think I went wrong. I've succeeded at failing at being great at something. So, I've decided to share what I've learned in hopes that my failures will become your successes.

So, with all that said, I have created a new blog to go along with a book that I've been working on. I don't have a publisher, a definitive ending, or a super sweet cover yet or anything. But what I do have is some food for thought, some geeky, goofy humor that might fail at making you laugh... and a hope... that you'll learn from my mistakes. I know that every time I've failed, it's been encouraging hearing about someone else failing in a similar way, coming back from that point and ending up better off for the experience.

I am a sinful, redeemed, work in progress. So, I don't have any answers beyond the fact that Christ has redeemed me and I want to live like He commanded us to live. And there again, I fail. In fact, I succeed at failing quite a bit. So, if you'd like to learn a new way or two that you can fall short as a Christian or as a human being for that matter, please take a look at my new blog. Give it a little read, and please let me know what you think. Shoot, if you have any failure success stories you'd like to share with me, please send them my way at howtosucceedinfailing@gmail.com.

And visit http://howtosucceedinfailing.blogspot.com to read the much more frequently updated blog posts. I mean, I'm writing a book about the stuff, so I need to keep material coming! Or... maybe the blog will be the extent of it, and I'll succeed at failing to write a full book. It'll just be another lesson learned for me... and hopefully for you too. ;)

Mexican Food VS. Sugary Deserts

Just finished lunch today, and guess what I was hungry for?!? Yup. Mexican food, like usual. If I'm not eating cereal, or pizza, then it's probably Mexican food! Which makes me wonder...

I avoid sugary treats and deserts and calorie loaded snacks all the time. And I drink diet everything as well as lots of tea and water.

So, why in the world am I not rail thin?!? Yup. You guessed it again. Mexican food. From the amazing green salsa at Tacos Por Favor in LA to Sharky's ridiculous pizza sized plate of nachos to the crack-laced rice of Chipotle's burritos to the AMAZING chips and salsa and margaritas at Texas' very own Pulido's to Tijuana Flats' beer and burritos... and the list could go on and on.

All of my avoiding sweets seems to have failed miserably thanks to my number one downfall... Mexican food. And who wants to run a mile or two when there's a group heading out to get some tacos?!? Well, now that I've identified the problem, the next step is to do something about it. I think I may go take some notes and figure out what my next step will be... maybe over dinner or something. Yeah, a nice plate of fish tacos from Wahoo's, with sides of beans and rice, and a basket of chips... Mmmmm...

Oh boy. There I go again.

Hi, I'm Curtis, and I'm addicted to Mexican food.

Fear of Commitment

Up way too early again has me thinking about something I read earlier tonight about fear of commitment... and appropriately listening to an older William Fitzsimmons album, Goodnight.

It seems many of us have a fear of commitment in one form or another. Some may fear signing something like a lease or mortgage. Some may fear losing themselves in a commitment to another in a relationship, like a significant other or child. Some may fear just that thought of no longer having the option to "live life to the fullest" because of some commitment.

I'm realizing that many of our fears are not only wrong, but also misguided worries that are a result from some kind of sinful state of mind. If we can't commit fully to things, that must stem from our lack of full commitment to God... And a fear of commitment stemming from a lack of trust that He will let us truly "live life to the fullest" while we remain committed to that thing, that person, or that place.

God is funny like that. Christ taught us over and over that by letting go of ourselves or giving of ourselves or losing ourselves, and giving ourselves fully to Him, we find ourselves and find so much more than we could ever find on our own. A full commitment to Him, and to things that He gives us, can result in a true freedom that shines so much brighter than any false freedom we can trick ourselves into.

And along with fear of commitment, I see too many people in this world commit themselves to the wrong things... instead of the eternal, meaningful things. I failed when I put my career, my personal goals, and ambitions above love and family. I don't want to do that again. Many people tend to put their commitment to a career above family and love. Many people put their commitment to their own interests and desires above those of others in their life. In fact, I'm sure we all do it. That doesn't make it right or justifiable by any means. Just means we should all really consider what's worth our commitment.

I encourage us to fully commit ourselves to God and seek to commit our life, love, and time to His best for us, and not what we think is best. He knows us better than we know ourselves. The rest of our commitments, if guided by His Spirit, should bring us no fear.

Pros and Cons

It seems every day I've put off doing this because I knew it would suck. And it does. I hate making Pros and Cons lists. If you feel like you need to make one, that probably means your Cons list will more than likely disappoint you. They tell you everything you already know and just wish wasn't true or could be another way. And that's exactly what this one did.

You see, some Pros and Cons are concrete. They can't be changed. Those are great. Those are absolutes. It's easy to deal with absolutes. They can't be another way, so you learn to deal with them.

BUT, it's so many of these Cons that are totally EASY to change and with just a little work, they could totally be amazing Pros. They could be... But that's the problem. I just don't know if they ever will be. And that is NOT concrete. There's no absolute in that, and I am having a tough time dealing with them.

When things you need just aren't there... You should logically go find them. That's why these lists suck. They tell you to do something you don't want to do. Maybe my next Pros and Cons list will be the Pros and Cons of making decisions based on Pros and Cons lists.

I've tried to turn some of these Cons into Pros already, and it's just not working. So, with deadlines looming, I'm going to make another effort to take some of these Cons and try to help turn them into Pros. I really, really want to see those things added to the Pros list... It would really shine with them there.

Then the Pros would absolutely point in the direction I'm hoping to go. Wouldn't it be awesome if this whole post was about which cereals I should buy next?!?
I wish. But I too often buy what's on sale. I don't want to settle for what's on sale in this instance. I'm looking for specifics here. And I'm looking hard.

On the move...

It's been quite an awesome few months. Well, awesome and a little scary. Back in December, I met a friend that I had found me on Myspace over a year earlier. She flew out here for work. We met, I took her to a Christmas party, and we had a great time together.

She must have had a great time, because when I finished working on the latest TV show I was doing, she flew me out to spend time with her and her family! But that's when it hit me that this might be the beginning of something serious... seriously dorky too ;-)

Now, five months after beginning to see her, and even another trip out to see her and her family, I'm praying about heading out there for a much longer stay. You see, if I move here in L.A. to a new apartment, I'll have to sign a year lease... This doesn't seem to bother her when I've brought it up. But, for me, I can't be in a relationship for another year of no guaranteed visits! I mean, I could, but it would be very tough and still not put us in a place to move forward.

So, I really want to visit her and her family for at least a few months. That way, we can date normally. We can really get to know one another and see if this can work... which is the only reason I asked her to be mine in the first place. She is absolutely astounding! Such a Child of God kind of heart and personality... adorned by gorgeousness. The romantic in me gets away from me a bit, as I'm sure she could tell you. But, anyway, it would be best for us to find out sooner than later if this is really going to work. It would be devastating to spend a year or more, on top of these past few months, working at a long distance relationship, only to find that after the year, it doesn't work out.

So, with a month or two left before I need to move out of my current place, I am feeling good about leaving L.A. for a while. God hasn't given me anything here that is at all permanent. And the L.A. lifestyle is not for me. I enjoy the beach side lifestyle, and the suburbia/college town lifestyle I had in Fort Worth, but L.A., Hollywood, and the Valley are just horrible to live in. You can find a few nice parts, but I long for a more normal lifestyle... Maybe a move can give me an opportunity to find that again.

My only concern is about my girlfriend. She has not seemed terribly excited or encouraging about me setting out to win her. She's said that she would love for me to live there and be with her, and even talked about it jokingly for many months... but now that I'm actually looking to make it happen, she seems silent. I want her to be excited, vocal, and constantly reminding me how much she's looking forward to it. I understand, though, that it's probably a huge weight on her shoulders... having me pick up a life in L.A. to move just to be with her. But right now, I'm just living in L.A. I don't feel like my work is going anywhere, and haven't found a successful group of people to write and film together consistently. Not to mention I've found love in someone not in L.A. And if my past has taught me anything, it has taught me that my priorities need to be God, then loving others (my wife/family/etc.), THEN work. I've put them backwards before, and it doesn't work well.

So yes, her silence concerns me. A move there to later find that she's lost interest would be very hard and devastating, but it would be better to know sooner than later. And she should not worry at all about me being disappointed. I'm moving to pursue her. She's worth it. And the hope of a future together is worth it. And the hope of a family is worth it.

God gave me a dream, and I thought I had to be in L.A. to make it come true... but when I finally met her, she became part of that dream. And now I realize that I can accomplish anything God puts on my heart anywhere in the world. But I know that whatever I accomplish for Him, having her as my partner will make it so much more of a success and so much more joyous. We would make a great team. Go Orange Team!

Anyway, I would be thankful for any prayers you would be willing to offer up. There are many things that need to fall into place for me to make it out there. I need a place to stay for a while, a good job to start saving, and the right timing to leave L.A. I'm really seeking God about this, so, thank you for your prayers.

Stories and other junk...

i realized that i haven't posted anything recently on here... and a friend kind of inspired me to give blogging a little more attention. i'm not sure if i'm going to start posting short stories, more random thoughts, a bunch of posts on a certain theme, or something completely different. but here's the first one of the year!

and well, its been a long, but good year here in L.A. i haven't done as much as i hoped i would. i haven't had as much luck this year in some areas, and a ton of luck in others. but, i'm kind of coming to terms with the city and its demands.

but anyway, here's a couple links to small things that i've done recently. nothing too amazing, just fun shorts.

SHRIEK is a short film that i worked on with my other partners over at 313 Films.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBnsUPRQWTo

and BIG BLUE is a music video for a song i wrote after being inspired by a girl's online dating profile.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUBxGpsbfs0

and while you're watching my junk, you might find POOPY TIME amusing or MULHOLLAND DRIVE catchy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=joLpgh1GxFI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQ9pfPTPSeE

so, i hope you enjoy these links while i figure out what to write next!